Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
