reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
