i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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