I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
