Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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