if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
