i'm signing you up for texting rehab
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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