My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
