Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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