Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
