Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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