I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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