I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
