I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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