He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
