my phone needs a breathalizer
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
