Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
