My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Why is your signature on my underwear?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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