toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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