Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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