you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
