so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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