Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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