using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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