I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
