butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
All I want is dick and wine.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
