I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
