They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
