She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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