She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
