I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Did you just see the Batmobile???
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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