**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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