Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
