We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
