i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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