FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
