a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
