Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
