And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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