i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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