i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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