just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
