as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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