Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
