I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
