you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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