Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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