considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
please come you make the beer taste better
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
