why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
