Did you just see the Batmobile???
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
being pregnant is like rehab
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
