There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize