the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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