Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
