Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
