She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
