did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
