Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
