The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
