Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
