Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
