Got a toothbrush?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
