This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
