youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
