it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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