two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
