did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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