Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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